Chickpea = Garbanzo bean

I’m shocked it hasn’t been done already.

That’s the joke.

Diagnosed rate never crosses actual so this is false

Fat guy brain is telling me to take an Oreo Reese’s and sandwich it between two Reese’s Oreos

My son is three. So I’m going to save this and hope it still hits in 12-15 years.

That’s what the Brie is for

I love to chase my toddler around and say “You’re going nowhere! Where you goin’? nowhere!” Before lightly bodyslamming him. Now he just runs around yelling, “I’m not going anywhere”

https://youtu.be/8qfNR-ft7A4

This is the best review of it that I saw:

Decided to pull the trigger, and give this game a shot. 
Not the most competent shooter. It feels rushed, and the strategic elements are poorly planned out. With a bit more time and thought, I think the lone developer may have achieved their aims.
It was a good attempt, but better luck next time. I look forward to this developers next project, whenever that appears. Probably in about 25 years to life.

Pretty sure he is John Appleseed until September 1st

Did your wife change her last name to something that is not your last name?

I changed the locks on my house to one with a keypad so I only have to carry a car key.

Clearly, this is an ad for Hoppers

You can only lower the price while the store is open for business. Any price hikes must be done between business hours. 24 hour stores can raise prices once per day during off-peak hours or something.

We did the DNA test for our mutt. Nothing got above 17%. Too many breeds to name. She’s the best.